With Chris Zoephel | Funny PostFunny Site

YAMIA is the youth and student ministries arm of the Anglican Mission in the Americas.

The guy who runs the "stuff Christians like" blog is hysterical. Here is his latest post on the prayer circle in which people lay hands on you. Enjoy!

The five people you meet in a "hands on" prayer circle:

1. The Tickler
This is the person that seems to have some sort of tickle radar, accidentally finding a way to place their hand in your most ticklish spot. While the minister leads a heart wrenching prayer about someone losing their beet crop to the winter storms, you try not to burst out laughing and wet your pants from the tickler's hand.

2. The Kung Fu Gripper
Are we in a fight dude? Seriously, do you need to clench your hand on the nerve in my shoulder that Spock used on Star Trek to knock folks out? I get it, you're strong. You bought those little spinny push up devices they sell on television and you're taking creatine now and working on your gluts. Awesome, but you are destroying my neck right now. We're going to street fight when this prayer is over, aren't we?

3. The Lingerer
I mentioned this guy briefly in my holding hands post. And the same things are true in this case as well. This is the guy that continues to keep his hand on you long after the prayer has officially ended. We're done. They're clearing the chairs. I just want to go home but for some reason, my egress is blocked by this guy's hand. I've said it before and I will say it again. Think of letting go as a race. I want us to win. I want you and me to set a new land speed record in letting go. Come on, we can do it. Eye of the tiger. Eye of the freakin' tiger.

4. Sir Sweaty McSweaterton
Did you run here? Did you carry your car on your back like some sort of world's strongest man competition? Are you wearing wool underwear in Georgia in July? These are honestly the only reasons I can think for how sweaty you are. I'm sweaty too, don't get me wrong, but I feel like the ocean itself has its hand on my back right now. You are salty and wet and this prayer feels really long right now.

5. The Awkwarder
I'm not sure if you know this, I mean it might look different from where you are sitting, but that's my inner thigh you have your hand on. I'm just saying. I hate that two people beat you to the "prayer money spots," my shoulders, but just because all my good prayer spots were taken doesn't mean you need to put your hand in my armpit. Put your hand on my head, but wait, don't intertwine your fingers in my hair. We've talked about that. For like half an hour. That's not cool.

Labels: humor

Funny Site

I was perusing some blogs and I ran into this one at www.stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com

It is REALLY funny. Here is one of the posts that got me laughing (warning...only read if you were exposed to rap music in the 80's).

#171. Meticulously, Magnificently Making Multiple Messages Match (M)letters.

Most people don't know this, but I have a rare communication disorder.

It's called "Rappers Delight."

Whenever I write, I am overwhelmed with an intense desire to make references to rappers from the 80s and 90s. You think I am joking, but please, just stop, collaborate and listen. Ugh, see, that was a lyric from a rap song. It was from a rapper, or bard really, named Vanilla Ice. And I can't help myself. Even as I type I'm tempted to find a way to fit in the line, "I work, I get the job done," from Big Daddy Kane. And once while I was working at Home Depot I tried to write an ad about countertops using LL Cool J lyrics. I'm being honest. The ad was about how granite was popular again but had never really been unpopular. So I wrote the headline, "Don't call it a comeback." But my boss was too smart and refused to print it.

Is there a cure? Yes, but it involves a lot of chamomile tea and Yanni's album, "Live at the Acropolis." But I'm not the only one with a problem. Some of you ministers out there need to break your addiction to alliteration.

It starts slowly, doesn't it? In seminary you have to write a sermon for class at the last minute. Fueled by red bull, you sit down and scribble, "God is everywhere, eternal and enough." You pause and look at the paper realizing, "Hey, all of those key words start with the letter E." And now you're hooked. You've had a taste of the big A and I fear alliteration won't let you go without a fight. Soon you'll be saying, husbands need to "Love, Lead and Listen" at home or that working for the Lord is about being, "Dedicated, Determined and Deliberate."

I wish I had an easy solution for you. I wish we could do something like a gun exchange program. You could give me your alliterations and I could give you some rap lyrics:

You:

"I'm here to turnover a new community idea I had called, "Serve, Share, Save.'"

Me:

"Thank you. Please take the lyric, 'I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I was I had a six four impala.'"

But it's just not that simple. I'll pray for you.

P.S.

I'm going to write a post about rhyming pastors too, girl you know it's true, cause they ain't few, Tom Hanks was in the movie, "The man with one red shoe." Word.

Labels: humor

Involved in Youth Ministry for over 10 years, Rev Chris Zoephel has worked with junior highers, senior highers and those who act like these folks both as a paid staff member and as a volunteer in churches and para church organizations. These days most of his time is spent chasing his son around, keeping his office somewhat organized and trying to point others toward Christ. Currently Chris is on staff at Immanuel Anglican Church in Destin, FL as the Pastor of Discipleship (which includes being a youth pastor). Chris also serves as Director of YAMIA for the Anglican Mission in the Americas.